


Controller Love For My Daikon

by perch



Category: Nerima Daikon Brothers - Fandom
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-23
Updated: 2009-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-05 01:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perch/pseuds/perch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Nerima Daikon Brothers get caught up in well nothing really...it's a story about nothing. Violence, Singing, Panda-love and massive amounts of swearing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Controller Love For My Daikon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GenkiSchuldig](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=GenkiSchuldig).



"I'll drink your ass into the floor bitch," Yukika slurred into her drink.

"Bring it, hag," Mako drawled, sipping her own drink.

"Okay, hold it, we've done this before," Ichiro languidly said, waving his arms around in his boneless way. "Repeats are boring."

The room grew quiet, the hosts dispersing.

"Aren't you underage anyway?" Yukika asked, squinting drunkenly.

"I'm nineteen," Mako said, tossing the drink down defiantly.

"I should arrest you," Yukika said, springing up to plant one foot on the table.

"Oh don't listen to her," Ichiro said, waving one arm, "She's been nineteen for years."

"Ichiro!" Mako wailed. "Don't ya'll go spreading lies around."

"Oh, so you're lying about your age too," Yukika laughed. "You cheap little slut."

"It's better than being a tired old hag," Mako snarled.

"I'm fucking sick and tired of people bringing up my age! I'm not old!"

"You are for this story," Ichiro and Mako said in unison.

"Right back at you," Yukika pointed her drink at Mako. "Just how old are you?"

"I've already told you bitch, li'l ol' Mako's nineteen!"

"I got bored and left so that's the last time I saw them," Ichiro explained to Hideki, pointing at the flashback wandering off.

"Woah, so do you think Yukika arrested her?" Hideki asked.

"Or possibly taken her back to her apartment for a night of lesbian love," Ichiro dead panned.

Hideki stopped short, a half dozen thought bubbles floating around his head.

"Yay, thought bubbles," Ichiro said.

"What ya'll doing," Mako asked, peeking around from the back of a bubble. "Hey what's thi-".

"Hideki you pervert!" Mako's hand swung into his face, dispersing all the bubbles in her way.

"Mako," Hideki whined, clutching one cheek.

"Hey guys, we haven't gotten to the real story yet," Ichiro said, pointing to the title over his head.

"Controller Love For My Daikon," Hideki read out loud slowly. "What the hell does that mean?"

"I don't know, but hopefully it'll involve money," Mako said. "We weren't going to be robbing nothing with Hideki's pervy thoughts."

"That was Ichiro's suggestion!" Hideki explained.

"It was your thought bubble though," Ichiro pointed out.

"Hey anyone notice we haven't sung yet this fic?" Mako asked.

"And that damn panda's missing as well," Hideki said.

"I think that's because the writer is afraid of songfics," Ichiro whispered.

"But we ain't the Nerima Daikon Brothers without songs," Mako pointed at the stage.

"Okay, then let's bring this bitch around!" Hideki jumped on stage and posed, signaling the others to join him. Their usual accompaniment of back-up pandas formed their band and they started.

Zooming forward - To actual story...  
"HOLD IT!" Hideki yelled. "What the hell is this shit?!"

"Ooh nice flash forward there," said Ichiro, looking at the different set. By different set we mean the daikon farm later that afternoon.

"Do you really mean that or is that just the writer makin' you say that?" Mako asked.

"You saying we're some kind of puppets Mako," Hideki asked, checking for strings. "That's ridiculous, we're actors."

"Right, I think we'd know if we were some kind of fictional characters being set up in some elaborate plot," Ichiro pointed at the screen.

"OH MY GAWD WE'RE BEING MANIPULATED!" Mako screamed.

"And in all caps," Ichiro pointed out.

"So there's a plot to this story?" Hideki asked.

"No, I don't think we'll get around to that," Ichiro said.

"Hey is it me or have we been missing some characters?" Hideki looked around.

"Yeah where'd that old hag Yukika run off to?" Mako asked, peering under a daikon leaf.

"And where's panda?" Ichiro asked.

SCENE CHANGE:

"Oh panda, we mustn't, we shouldn't, we can't!" Yukika wailed, the top of her head un-hinging just a bit. "You're my second former boyfriend who I still have feelings for."

"Meow-meow," Pandadaikon said, slurping from his bowl of ramen.

"I just can't say no to that soft, cuddly, sexy body," said Yukika, squirming around in her chair. "Though what if my last former boyfriend finds out? Or Ichiro?"

 

SCENE CHANGE BACK

"Oh that pervy bitch," exclaimed Mako.

"Well I didn't need to see that," Hideki rubbed at his eyes.

"So soft," Ichiro stared at the bubble.

"Right well, I don't know about ya'll, but I'm bored," Mako's eyes shifted.

"Hey I just thought of something," Hideki, looked at the bubble. "If Officer Yukika is busy with the daikon thief, then maybe...".

"Ooh suspense."

"Maybe? Maybe what Hideki?"

"We can pull off a robbery!"

"But what are we gonna rob, we haven't met any scoundrels this episode, it's been nothing, but lesbian porno dreams."

"Well we've got to do something, we're in danger of being boring."

"I think it's too late for that- look even the writer is giving up!"

"We could do another song, li'l ol' Mako hasn't had a solo all this episode!"

"I know, we'll rob the people from the title."

"We don't even know what they done yet."

"What's Controller Love mean anyway?"

"Maybe they're video game geeks, you know the kind that like to play in their momma's basements!"

"Or maybe it's a form of voodoo mind control, used to kidnap girls and make them into mindless sex slaves."

"Hideki, can you get your head out of the daikon gutter once in a while."

"Okay, going to work now."

"Wow, it's night already?"

"Ichiro, baby, take me with you!"

"But you don't have any money."

"What's with the Ichiro baby stuff? I told you to cut that out Mako!"

"Hide, baby, won't you help your Mako out."

"You want money to go to the host club with Ichiro? Why not just stay here with me?"

"Pass. Who'd want to stay with some pervert on a daikon farm."

"Mako!"

"Come on Hide baby, won't you give your little Mako some cash."

"I'm broke...aw shit," Hideki was surrounded by bank teller dancers and compelled to dance for the ATM machine, dance his way back into a loan.

"Fuck, I did it again," he said, as Mako snatched the cash from his open palm.

"Thanks Hide! Ichiro wait for me!"

And thus, Hideki was left alone in his daikon field.

"Aw man this fucking sucks! Times like this I just need to sing!"

And then the neighbors threw shit at him until he shut up.

Meanwhile....

"Well, well, if it isn't the slutty tart," Yukika said, taking a small sip from her drink.

"Right back at you old lady," Mako said, snatching a glass from a waiting host.

"Oh we came right back to the beginning again," Ichiro said.

"What was that bitch?!" Yukika yelled.

"Okay, well I hate repeats, so bye," Ichiro said, pulling down the black curtain.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for how unfunny this was. *prostrates self on the floor* Big thank you to my husband for the beta.


End file.
